Friendship

I have learned a lot about friendship during the last week or so. Candice has taught me a lot, along with the dear friends and family that was there for me, to help keep me from going crazy, keep me "level-headed", and help me stay rational and to make rational decisions along the way. I can't even begin to thank my sis, Renee, my dear friend, Jen, even my Dad, and several other people listening to me, and for even giving me brutal honesty when I needed it the most. I also want to thank Mike and my wife's other friends she's met online for being there for Candice when she felt like she didn't have anyone she could confide in. Thank you for believing in me and Candice. I can only hope that I can return the same friendship, kindness, compassion, concern, and honesty as everyone mentioned has shown us.

While I'm on the topic of friendship, I couldn't even begin to try to describe why I even started thinking about this. Everyone knows that we all have different "degrees" of friendship we share with different people. And when you're going through really hard times, you find out quickly who's truly your friends. And I'm not just talking about people you can hang-out with and have fun. If that were the case, everyone on planet earth would be my friend! lol But the real friends, the ones that not only try to offer the best advice they can, but listen and really try to understand all of your thoughts and emotions as you describe the hardship you're having to endure. These are the friends that you hold very dear to your heart, and only hope that your spouce can share the same special bond with them as you do.

I've also learned that two people who are in a romantic relationship who really care and love each other may often confide in friends who doesn't associate with the other person in the relationship. And I'm cool with that now. Although Candice likes and gets along with all of my dearest friends very well, sometimes, she feels like talking to someone else "outside our little box" who's not strongly associated with me, and I understand why now. A very smart and wise dear friend of mine, Jen, has told Candice that she could talk to her about anything, but she already knew that Candice couldn't tell her EVERYTHING just because if it was about something that could drastically change mine and Candice's marriage and relationship, she would have a difficult time not telling me, since Jen and I have been friends long before I even met Candice. Also, it's very difficult not to judge or jump to conclusions in fear of someone getting hurt, especially when best friends are concerned. So, I definitely don't expect for Candice to make my best friends her best friends.

But, how close should someone become friends with their spouces best friends? Where do you draw the line before the point of where someone no longer feels they can talk to one of their best friends because of their spouce is now best friends with them as well? Should people attempt to become close friends with their spouce's best friends, or back away so their spouce can have someone just for them to talk to without worrying about any intereferences or judgements when problems arise? I just thought these were interesting questions to throw out there.

Now, let's take this to an even deeper and more serious level... what if your spouce has felt betrayed by one of your best friends by words said in confidentiality, or felt that that when they tried to have a serious talk with them about problems in their relationship, the best friend of their spouce turned their back on them? What do you do then? I suppose that all anyone can do is hope that eventually that your spouce and your best friend can work things out, since they share someone very important and special to them in both of their lives. Anyone has any thoughts?