My shadow's
shedding skin and
I've been picking
Scabs again.
I'm down
Digging through
My old muscles
Looking for a clue.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own confused
And insecure delusions
For a piece to cross me over
Or a word to guide me in.
I wanna feel the changes coming down.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
My shadow.
Change is coming through my shadow.
My shadow's shedding skin
I've been picking
My scabs again.
I've been crawling on my belly
Clearing out what could've been.
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.
I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within
My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.
I choose to live and to
Lie, kill and give and to
Die, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to step through.
See my shadow changing, Stretching up and over me. Soften this old armor. Hoping I can clear the way By stepping through my shadow, Coming out the other side. Step into the shadow. Forty six and two are just ahead of me.
"Reflection" by TOOL
I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and
Move closer
I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful
It's calling me...
And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret - my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting
And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.
So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.
Just let the light touch you
And let the words spill through
And let them pass right through
Bringing out our hope and reason ...
before we pine away.
"Parabol" by TOOL
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.
Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wide eyed and hopeful.
Wide eyed and hopefully wild.
We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.
"Parabola" by TOOL
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Alive, I
In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
"Lateralus" by TOOL
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.
Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.
Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.
With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
"Wings for Marie (Part 1) by TOOL
You...
You believed ...
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me
A passionate spirit
Uncompromised
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Then immobilized.
Broken
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
"She never told a lie,
... well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life,
Didn't have a life,
But surely saved one."
See? I'm alright
Now it's time for us to let you go.
"10,000 Days (Wings Part 2) by TOOL
Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.
Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.
But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...
Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You're going home.
You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"
You are the light and way that they will only read about.
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."
"Brena" by A Perfect Circle
My reflection
Wraps and pulls me under
healing waters to be
Bathed in Brena
Guides me
Safely in
Worlds I've never been to
Heal me
Heal me
My dear Brena
So vulnerable
But it's alright
Heal me
Heal me
My dear Brena
Show me lonely and
Show me openings
To lead me closer to you
My dear Brena
(Feeling so) vulnerable
But it's alright
Opening to... heal...
Opening to... heal...
Heal.. Heal.. Heal...
Heal me
"Gravity" by A Perfect Circle
Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go
I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live
I fell again
Like a baby unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go
High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom
Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Needy hole, please release me
I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live
UPDATE:
For me, music plays a huge role in my "spirituality", and I think it does for most people. I think a person's music preference speaks a lot for themselves, their personality, and what kind or type of person they either are, or want to be. Even though I love movies, I've yet seen a movie that spoke to me as much as music does. And when I listen to a type of music that "fits my mood", I feel such a release afterwards, such an uplifting, as if everything I listen to is somewhat spiritual, in a sense, even if the music itself mentions nothing about spirituality. Music illustrates how I feel, and speaks a lot for the person I am. And I don't except to turn anyone onto my music, because we all have different tastes and view music differently. I just hope that people can find something out there that speaks to them as much as my music speaks to me.
While I'm on the topic of music, of all of the instruments out there, drums are my passion. Why the drums? Because they are so raw, primal, and powerful. They need no electronic equipment or electricity to play, and percussion is the oldest type of instrument known to man. When I play my drum kit (set), I often feel like I'm getting back to all of our roots, our beginnings, and the basics. It's a part of me that makes me feel so human, in a sense, indescribable with words. I look at drums as the foundation of a house. Sure, when people are looking at a house, all they see is the beautiful structure standing before them, but without a solid foundation, the house will collapse. Rhythm is that foundation, and percussion sets the rhythm and the "mood". All else builds upon that foundation to form that beautiful house that everyone sees. It's all about getting back to the basics, the foundations, of music.
Anyone that knows me and has read though my profile knows that Danny Carey from TOOL is my most influential drummer of all time. Does that mean he's the best? No, but I personally think he is. I've listened to a lot of drummers that has influenced me throughout the years, such as Mike Portnoy from Dream Theater, Scott Rockenfield from Queensryche, and Lars Ulrich from Metallica. But of all of the drummers that has influences me (many not mentioned above), none has as much as Danny Carey. Most drummers only "show off" or "shine" during drum solos, but remain mostly a "human drum machine" while the rest of the band is playing. But Danny "shows off" and "shines" throughout all of TOOL's songs, with the ability to incorporate complex techniques while blending them into a song in such a way, only someone who has a "masterful ear" can truly hear them (not saying that I do, but I do pay closer attention to drums than most average people). His complexity comes from jazz and jazz fusion drummers, some of the best ever lived, but he's able to incorporate these unique styles, mold it, and blend it into TOOL's music, where is doesn't sound like jazz or jazz fusion at all! But he still uses the same complex techniques as they do, but is hardly detectable. Anyone can "go off" on a huge, massive drum kit, look like they can play with the "best of them", but rarely can do the same thing and make it blend so perfectly into a song, or an album, much less several albums. Danny does it with every song, every album, every time. I think I'm in love with Danny. LOL :-) To illustrate one of the many complexities he does in a song, I found this video of someone doing a "remake" of a complex piece Danny does in the same song Danny plays in the internview video on my profile, "Lateralus".
I can't do this, at least not while the music is playing, because it screws-up my timing. All I can say is brilliant, not just for the ability to do it, but just for even conceiving it! I would've never in a billion years thought to put together a piece such as this, and incorporate it into a song where it doesn't stand-out, but blends in with the song so perfectly, even though the song and the drums are two completely different timings! Wow.... and this is why Danny Carey is my most influencial drummer of all time. I doubt Danny will ever come across or read this blog, but if he does, all I can say is "Thank you, Danny".
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